Being a Chinese Mom

Recently, an article was written by Amy Chua called Why Chinese Mothers are Superior. I read it and have been thinking about it...a lot. If you haven't read it, here it is: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?KEYWORDS=china+parents

Though I never had a real relationship with my mother, my father was definitely there for me. And my dad, just like this woman, basically treated me the same way. Every Chinese Canadian kid will relate to everything in this article. In some ways, I hold some of these traits, but nothing to the extreme of this woman.

This writer responded to all the harsh criticism and it's obvious that she is a well spoken woman that basically doesn't take crap from anybody. And with her way of parenting, she has brought up 2 daughters that have played their musical instruments at Carnegie Hall, are smart and will do well in life.

So with all of this in mind, I thought about my own parenting. Perhaps my way is more the Western way. But then, perhaps it should be as my kids are Canadian Chinese rather than Chinese Canadian. I do want my kids to be happy and I do worry about their individuality. I believe that there can be a balance of discipline and ensuring that they are ok. I want them to have certain experiences in life and I think they can while still doing well in school.

And if this Chinese teaching is so superior, then something must have gone wrong because I didn't turn out "special" or with any special skills. In the eyes of the Chinese community, I'm no doctor, lawyer, engineer. (Gosh, try going to a Chinese dinner with amazing achievers. It's brutal!) I don't excel in anything. I was never number 1 at anything. I'm not putting myself down. I'm just stating what I think is true and I'm ok with it. Feelings, what's that in the Chinese way of parenting? My parents ridiculed me mericilessly in public or to my face about choices I made or things I wanted to do. But it was there way of showing that they care. I think I'm still healing from some of those scars! =)

So, what's right and what's wrong? I don't know. But there is no definitive book on parenthood. All I know that opinions are like assholes...everybody's got one. And with that, I will continue with parenting the way I have.